Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in stepsbehind's LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 24th, 2005
2:58 pm	At school so i am at school. excited. Not much going on. Both roomies are here as well as christine and michelle and we are watching Night At The Roxbury. Its a funny movie. I did not get much sleep last ngiht yet again, but i jsut took a nap so it is not that bad. Though i am hungry, but i do not want to go to the cafe at the moment. Maybe i will have some spaggetti-os or some beef stew i got here. That coudl work. Oh, i got no heat in my room. Thats not cool. They are working on fixing it. But the hallways smell a bit liek gas cause they are working on them. We also had a fire alarm. Not cool. It was cold outside. Courtney pushed me in the snow too, i tried to push her back, but i am tooo light, it did no good. lol. I want to go sledding, but no one else brought a sled. So i must wait till comeon gets one or someone else comes back with one. I went to Andrew's last night. It was cool. We watched Boondock Saints. Always fun. Good flick, though they didin;t want to watch the pats game. The pats won, so they get tp go to the superbowl again. Sweet deal. So, yeah, i had so much stuff here again. lol, it all fits so its all good. i got to go, my fingers are cold cause i got NO heat in here. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
11:12 pm	at home yep, we already got a snow day at school....well kinda. school is closed on sunday so we get classes off on monday so we can do the whole check in thing. So first day of the new semester and we got no classes. Sweet. Though that means i am at home for longer. I thought i would be home another whole night, but the parents all have to work on monday, so i called campus safety and explained to them, and they said sunday night si not a problem. So sweet. I am just delayed a few hours and may not get to watch the pats game. Oh well. Courtney will not be driving me however. But thats ok, i just get to listen to mom worry about me while at school and such. But hey, small price to pay for being able to go back. So i got everything i need minus milk which i am getting when i get there. oh, and frozen pizzas and anyting frozen like i coudl fit into my frezer thing. And cheese whiz, the store didnt have it....i know crazy. ok, thats about, actually, there si more, but nothign i care to share here. bye (Comment on this)
Friday, January 21st, 2005
11:03 pm	Just Another Day Yep, nothing extrodianry about today. Woke up, went to the Gyno, got my presciption refilled, went home, watched tv, feel asleep, woke up, meg was home, ate dinner, and just finsihed watching Now and Then with my while while having a thin ice. Watching the movie with my mom was cool though. We talked about how it reminded her of when she was a kid and stuff, got her to laugh, it was fun. She is still worried about me though. Understandable. I emailed prof. stone last night about putting on a show. She emailed me back and not the first monday, but the second i am gonna go in and talk to her about it. EXCITED!!! Joanna asked me if i wanted ot room with her next year. Wicked cool. I am considering it. It depends on if 1) i come back next year and 2) if michelle can come back. If she does, sorry, but rooming with her if she wants to. Otherwise, so up for it. Joanna f*cking rocks. We get along, we both do theatre, it works. Asked courtney if she wanted to leave early on sunday cause do the snow (courtney my nieghbor not roomate) she said yeah, called into work and they said she would probably be snowed in so she may not be able to drive me. This means the parents will. Not a bad thing, hopefully i can fall asleep so i don't have to hear how worried my mom is about me. It is starting to get annoying, but i love her anyway. Got to pack up tomorrow. So after tomorrow night, no computer till i get to school. I got to pacl that, my clothes and anything else i buy like food. Everything else is all set, minus the paintball gun. I am wokring on getting that back. lol. I am debating weither or not to bring my skies. I think i will leave them at home cause it will give my mom and excuse to bring them up and see me if i ever need them...brownie points! What do i need to buy? Got to pick up my prescription on sunday, shampoo, conditioner, deo., a gift(shhhh its a secret), a sled (or pull one out of the garage if i can find one), soda, chips, random food items, get milk when i get there, ink for printers (need money for that one), notebooks...anything else i might need, let me know, lol. i think that is about it. well i got to go. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
11:46 pm	I GET TO STAY!!!! My mom told me today i get to go back. Long list of what i got to do while i am there, but still. Sum up, call evryday and come home more often. She is still completely worried about me, but hey, i get to stay. thats about all i ahve to write right now. so yay, a happy entry for once. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
4:21 pm	For anyone who replied to my last entry, i appriciate u guys being there for me, but my mom does not trust me at school. She doesn't want u to be there for me, she does. So i still don't know yet on the answer. i am praying that i can come back, i miss u all too much already, never mind if i never got to see u again. Anyway, i get to see meg today!!! and she has been gone a full 2 days. anyway, maybe it will be nice, mom and i are taking her out to grab something to eat. i can't wait i finsihed importing all the cds i have at my house onto iTunes, so that was an accomplishment. i have completed 9 puzzles, working on the 10th and i have about 4 others i have yet to do so i got those for a while. I basically finsihed making christmas gifts, yeah, i made some of them (unless i actually thought fo something to get u), lame but whatever. i also got some scrapbooks i could make. Which reminds me, i found my digital camera i coudl not find and my gospel road scrapbooks i have been searching for. YAY. bad news, i get to go to the OBGYN friday. I hate that. but got to get the prescription renewed, so i must go. My mom is taking me to get a new cell tomorrow cause she has 100 bucks towards a new one and mine runs out of battery too quick, so i get a new one. cool! anyway, thats all for now. bye (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
10:40 pm	Ok, i still don't know if i am leaving or not, but i found out why. Yeah, that whole climbing a tree thing i did, yeah well my mom found my journal and read it and now she is worried she can't trust me on my own at school. God this sucks, like honestly, i have never been as happy as i have been at fpc, even fr. matt said he can see it beeming out of me how happy i am. I mean, i have no idea what happened before, and my mom is one of the reasons i climbed down. What the hell, taking me out of FPC is only gonna make me stressed and upset. And yeah, she said she is divorcing dad, but i still don't want to be home, i want to be at school, with my friends, in my classes. I mean, next year, maybe i will transfer, but it won't be because i am unhappy, i am very happy, it iwll be for academic/theatre stuff. I understand she si worried about me. I understand how much i mean to her, but keeping me home is gonna do shit. I mean, i have been so home sick for school, anyone who talks to me knows i want to go back to school so bad right now. I am gonna try my best to get her to let me stay, but i don't know how much good it is gonna do. plus i do not have a stress reliever of my paintball gun cause they took it away cause i shot it in the house, not even loaded, just to scare my friend, and she flipped, so i got nothing to get rid of stress other than puzzles, which sometimes increases stress, plus my mom is sleeping in my bed with me so i can't even do puzzles right now cause she si sleeping and i need the lgith on and that keeps her awake. And she won't leave me alone, she is worried i am gonan try somethign again, which is understandable, but god, u don't need to be around all the time, i have gotten use to doign stuff alone, when u all of a sudden want to do stuff and be aroudn em all the time, hello, not what i reall want. I mean, i love her but still. Current Mood: gloomy (6 Comments |Comment on this)
5:39 pm	Bad News My mom said i may not be going back to fpc for this coming semester, No reason just said i can;t and she will talk about it with me later. GRRRRRRRRRRR not cool, i really liek ti there. I know i might transfer next year, but i was just thinking about it, not i may have to before i want to. WHAT THE HELL at least give ema fuckign reason. ok, gtg, bye Current Mood: pissed off (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 17th, 2005
10:48 pm	Yeah, so my dad has not seemed to react to the news i told him other than that email. I hope this is a good thing. But when that is not a problem, of course something else is. The parents. They have been fighitng like crazy the past two days(conisidence it happens after i tell my dad huh?). I mean, seriously fighting. My mom just got a divorce lawyer. When i heard that i was like thank god, but i know she won't go thru with it. She has alot to lose outta a divorce, my dad doesn't. So i am sure, it is not gonna happen. But still, the yelling is so annoying. I never wanted to go back to school more than i do now. My mom, for the first time since i have been home, was so stressed she took a tub and wanted ot use the jets in it, my dad was being an asshole and shut it off on her. How rude? seriosuly, that is nto cool. Then he tries aksing me what i think, and i agree with my mom (though she tends to start the fights, she has reason) but i am nto about to tell him that. I stay quiet, sitting there, in the same room, inbetween then shouting, jsut working on my puzzle liek i can't hear them, and they he goes and tried dragg me into it. Dude, i am 18, i don't ahve to chose at my age and u can;t make me. So i just say i dont want to get into it and he flipped on me. What the hell. Anyway, i mentioned ot my mom he may not be in the best of moods cause of what i told her, and she was liek "I thought u were into guys again". Ok, yeah not the reaction i excepted from her. She surgested i go to the paintball store to talk to that cute guy again. I guess she is really hopeful i will go straight again. I told her if i coudl pick one, i woudl, it would be easier. But she kinda stop the convo after that. So that was interesting. Anyway, meg left for school today. She was supposed to take the car, but she assumed mom and dad knew, they didn't. so i got the car for the rest of the week. Nice surprise, let me tell u. So anyone want a visitor, i willl travel no more than 2.5 hours, lol. otherwise u got to meet me halfway. lol. halfway cafe.....thats where we got pizza today for pizza and prayer, HA. lol. sorry mind wonders. anyway. yeah, other than that, i got my money back from retreat and bought ashlee simpson and wicked cds. i ahven't bougth cds in about a year, so i figured i coudl use em. i went ot walmart with my mom today, she really needed to have me with her today, i think she is losing it cause of my dad. I feel bad going back to school and leaving her here, but hey, at the very least, she has the puppeis, so she isn;t really alone, they are good company at times. Anyway, i am working on my christmas presents for friends at school. I got to get em for Katie, Jess, Sam (for when i see her), and Michelle. i kinda don;t got much money for anyone else, so if u got a card and are not in the forementioned group, sry, btu thats all i can afford to give yeah. U will be getting a hug though, so be expecting it. I found out that i am going to the Phantom of the Opera (not movie, but theatre) for my birthday cause it is over spring break, that is cool but i woud rather be at school for my birthday, it will wined up turning into meg backing out and/or my parents arguing. I would honestly rather spend it at shcool in class and with friends. But thats how the world works, so oh well. my fingures are cold, i am gonna go, bye (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 16th, 2005
2:13 pm	He responded Yes, he responded to my email. Here is his response... Wow. I'm glad you told me. Not sure what I'm feeling or thinking. I need sometime to think this through before we talk. But no matter what, I'll always love you. Dad I guess i am lucky to get a response like that. I just hope after he thinks about it, his attitude doesn't change. Now why is this response not helping me feel less nervous about being around my dad? It should help right? i mean, He did not flip out, he responded right away, and he said he woudl always love me. So, why do i still feel like there is somehthing wrong with telling him? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 15th, 2005
10:50 pm	Lack of Sleep thursday, i got like 3,4 hours of sleep because i just could not fall asleep. I was up until at least 5 am, i didn;t bother looking at the clock after that, and then was woken up at todrive meg to work. Then last night, i spent the night at Kathleen's, and again i could not fall asleep. Then i wake up at around 10ish, maybe a bit before and try to fall alseep again for an hour before waking up Kathleen and Renee. Minus the lack to sleep and the coldness in my house preventing my typing from beign any better than this, the past two days have been pretty good. Nothing special, just visitign FBA and haning with friends. I miss that. But hey, my friends sure do remind me of school, lol. Can't wait to go back. Meg goes back to school monday, and she is taking the car with her, so again, i am stranded for the parents both work and the mazda is kinda not working safely, so yeah. So muhc for picking up sarah/dee next week. Anyway, Kathleen Renee and i hung out yesterday/today. We rented movies, ate food, just chilled. Fun times. Anyway, i am really worried right now. I sent my dad that email. He has not read it yet, but he will soon enough. I got a bad feeling about it. but for all i know, he could be fine with it. He could ignore it. But that chance that he will flipped, or be weird or whatever. It worries me, alot. But all i can do is just wait. I hate waiting. Current Mood: nervous (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 14th, 2005
1:24 am	grrr ok, two things making me mad right now. well, more aggrivated than mad. I fianlly get a car for the day. I asked my mom three days ago, she worked it out, dad is staying home and working from here so there is an extra car. But no, the Mazda had to break down. So now, meg is being bitchy cause now she has to go into the stadium at 8am, so now i get to drive her. At least i still ahve the car, i have been in the house way too much. Tomorrow i get to wake up, drive meg, come back, get dressed, do whatever, and leave. Pick up BK or Wendy's, get to fba aroudn 11:50ish for Jr. Lunch and bring them some food, hence the stopping, visit fba a bit. See some teachers, some friends. Then Kathleen, renee and i are hanging, not sure what yet, I got times for movies, but nothing really jumping up and biting me. Then hopefully, catching Liz's battle of the bands at her highschool at 7. So that is my plan for tomorrow, hopefully, i will ahve happiness to write next time. the other thing that si bugging me, is my dad again. I still want to tell him. I wrote him and email. i just can't send it. well, i shouldn;t send it tomorrow, cuase i will not be home for him to talk about it with, and i want to be able to. but in general, i don't think i can send it. grrrr. this sucks. well, here is what i wrote, tell me if u think it si gonna backfire on me. Hey dad, hows it going? good i hope. there's something i want to tell ya. Its nothing bad or anything, just something about me i want to tell you. I would tell you in person, sitting down talking, but i am not much on getting stuff out in person, plus i would have no idea how to start the conversation. After you read this, and u want to talk, i don't mind talking about it, but to start, i feel alot better writing it down. I am bi, as in bisexual. That means that i am attracted to both guys and girls. I have known this for a few years. I never told you before because i have had a hard time excepting it myself and i was afraid of how you would react to it. Right now i have no clue how you are reacting to it. You could be just fine with it, wondering why i would have a hard time telling you, or u could be flipping out, or u could be somewhere in between. If you are having a hard time understanding it, which i understand, i put webpages at the bottom for you to look at if you wish/have the time. I already looked at them, they are pretty good. Why am i telling you this? because your my dad, and i love you and i think you should know. It is something about me and i don't want to have to hide it from you. If i ever get a girlfriend, i woudl want you to know. If i ever go anywhere with a group of friends to say a gay club or bar, i don't want to have to keep that from u. I figure it out at the end of 10th grade. Well, realized it. I had a hard time accepting it then. Plus, i realized i liked girls, yet still liked guys. U can imagine how confused a person can get. Now, alot of people think being bi means u want stuff from whomever you can get it from. I jsut want to make sure u know that is not tru. Infact, i have never even really kissed a girl. And for the matter, i have not had sex with anyway, so when u here all bisexuals want is sex, u can throw that theory away and not worry. What it means to me is that i find both males and females attritive. I get crushes on both. And, if the right person came along, i would go out with them, does not matter what they are, just who they are. Just re-read this and i know it is confusing and alot to write/read about. But i do love you and really wanted you to know since it is a big thing in my life. I have lost friends over it but have learned how cool some people can be about it too. So yeah, here are those websites and i am sure u are gonna want to talk to me about this, so go for it. Oh, i would have printed this out cause this is kinda wierd to write in an email, but i am out of black ink in my printer. sorry ~keri http://www.biresource.org/pamphlets/bisexuality.html http://www.biresource.org/pamphlets/qa.html http://www.biresource.org/pamphlets/myths.pdf please tell me if there is anything majorly wrong with that, cause i need all the help i can get with it. Current Mood: aggravated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 13th, 2005
10:05 pm	found these ok, last night, when i was up late, bored out of my mind, i saw stacey's away message so i went searching for fun techie jokes, found some. here they are. u ever done backsatge for theatre, u will so understand these. *Techie Mottos* Once you've gone black, you never go back. Actors are props with dialogue. Be kind to your techies, or they will turn out the lights and go home! If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done. Do what the director tells you to do, than do it the right way Gaff tape is like the force it holds the universe together and has a dark side and a light side. The best shows are boring. Never hire a rigging man who owns a superman suit. The sooner you get behind, the longer you have to catch up. Everything will take longer than it really should. If it is fragile, it will break. If it is valuable, be it sentimental or monentary, it will be lost. Experience is something you don't get until after you needed it. There is no job so simple that it can't be done wrong. There is no limit to how bad things can get. If it could go wrong or malfunction, it probably will. Beat to fit, paint to match. If force doesn't work, you're not using enough. An actor without techies is a naked person standing or a bare stage in the dark trying to emote, A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills. There is always a more creative approach to bending over. *Theatre Terms and What They Mean* In is down, down is front. Out is up, up is back. Off is out, on is in. And of course, Right is left, left is right. A drop shouldn't and a Block and fall does neither. A prop doesn't and A cove has no water. Tripping is OK. A running crew rarely gets anywhere. A purchase line will buy you nothing. A trap will not catch anything. A gridiron has nothing to do with football. Strike is work. (In fact, lots of work) And a green room, thank God, usually isn't. Now that you're fully versed in theatrical terms, Break a leg - but not really! *Famous Techie Last Words* *Building The Set* "It's not that far to the floor." "There! All done!" "Don't worry, I'm sure I can jump from here to there." "It WILL fit." "We'll only need one stage brace here." "I think we balanced the arbor." "This paint will come out" "I'm tired enough for it to be done." "I read it before, it sounds like it will work good." "I can read a tape measure!" "I can lift it by myself, I'm fine..." "I've used a band saw before." "I don't get paint on myself." "Let's paint it." "Let's not paint it." "I've never cut myself with a mat knife." "I know how to do that." "We don't need goggles for this." "It's just a little hole." "I've got it." "Of course I can handle this!" "That's easy." "I'm ready." "We don't need a drop cloth." "Hey, gaffer's tape fixes anything!" "We can patch it." "It's done." "It won't take very long." "It looks sturdy to me." "I'm sure it's perfectly safe." "It's okay. Two-by-fours are almost unbreakable." "Nobody's going to notice." "See? It's so stable I can jump on it!" "Never mind with the tape measure, I can eyeball this one." "It's level, eyeballed it." "If force doesn't work, you're obviously not using enough!" "Okay, it's dry now. We can keep going." "I'll catch it! I'll catch it!" "These screws will hold for sure now!" "I'm sure it'll be finished by opening night." "That rail brake is plenty tight". "That board used to hold the rigging in place is long enough and won't slip out." "I am not piling on that much weight." Lights and Sound "What does this button do?" "The batteries in the mics have plenty of juice left." "I've never spilled anything before." "Ouch! I said DON'T turn circuit #24 on!" "Just how much smoke is supposed to be coming out of this thing?" "Don't worry, it's not plugged in." "Oh, don't worry, the lights are supposed to sizzle like that when we turn them on." "Carbon arc lighting, huh? Sounds easy to run." "I have some extra pieces after putting that Source Four back together." "We ran out of safety cables." "HEADS UP!!!!!!" "I don't need a C-wrench. Finger tight is good enough." "Those lights aren't that hot. They were just turned them off." "I'll climb up there." "Just kick it, it'll work." "Now which color of wire is hot?" "Of course I can put these back together!" "I know how to read a lighting plot." "I just finished making some modifications to the sound board!" "That catwalk is perfectly safe." "No, I can carry four of them without a problem!" "We finally got the board programmed right!" "Seriously, the design isn't that complex." "This gaffer's tape will work just fine for reparing this dimmer module." *Rehearsal* "The artistic director will understand." "We open in two days...you want me to do what?" "Trust me." "The Tech Director said we could." "The Tech Director won't care." "The Tech Director said not to? Oh, well, he must have been wrong." "The artistic director knows what he's talking about." "The Tech Director doesn't know jack about this!" "Don't tell me you actually listened to the artistic director when he told you to do it that way!" "Don't worry, it'll be okay while we go out for dinner." "We can trust the actors not to screw with anything." "We don't need a running crew. The actors are doing the scene changes." "One hour is plenty of time!" "I think it's fixed for good now." "No, I don't know how the lead got gaffer taped to the wall." "We've got no problems with the second act." "Lights and sound are perfectly comfortable with their cues." "No, write your cues in pen. We wouldn't change them this late in rehearsal." "The lift is perfectly safe. They just inspected it last summer." "Flying people works exactly the same as flying drops" "No, seriously, coed dressing rooms will save us so much time!" "We still have a week of rehearsals left. I'm sure we'll get it before previews start." *During The Show* "Um, it wasn't me...no...it was Shondu." "Did I do that?" "Oops, there went that cue..." "I hope that cue wasn't too important" "It ought to hold for one more performance." "I'm not superstitious. MACBETH!" "Sure, I can take a break! There aren't any cues coming up for awhile." "They've been rehearsing that change for the past two months. It's not possible for them to screw it up." "The costume person can sew it back together during intermission." "Um, I lost my place in the script. Never mind, I remember my next cue." "The audience never notices piddly stuff like that!" "No problem, we'll just get it cleaned before tomorrow night." "Actors aren't THAT stupid." "You let the actor touch what?" "Don't worry, I'm sure the actors will remember their mics!" "The actors are ready." "I am confident the actors will remember their entrances." "Don't worry, I sent and actor to take care of it" "Why would anyone with common sense want to walk on that?" *And Never Forget* "Oops." "Uh oh…." "Oh shi…" *Things Never Said in the Theatre* *Techies* 1. I have just spilt coke on the lighting board. 2. That had nothing to do with the computer, it was my fault. 3. What does this "reset system" thing mean? 4. That light is in the right place. 5. I would love to paint. 6. The actors are going a great job. 7. That went perfectly. 8. You do know you are taking 3000 watts from a 2400 watt socket? 9. This green gel would work perfectly for lighting the actors. 10. I just spent two days hanging 86 lights, I'd be happy to move them all. 11. Don't panic. 12. I don't think that requires grinding. 13. I have forgotten nothing. 14. It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal. 15. There's plenty of room for more lights over here. 16. We've been ready for hours. 17. The cues are working perfectly. 18. I can't hear the band. 19. The actors have no complaints. 20. Everyone is ready when you are. 21. That didn't last long. 22. May I mop the stage? 23. Could we skip dinner and work instead? 24. Those actors are so helpful. 25. That director has the greatest ideas. 26. The director is asking for reasonable completion times. 27. Of course I can operate sound from here. 28. No problem. I'll do that straight away. 29. All the equipment is working perfectly. 30. I have all the equipment I need. Actors 31. I really think my big scene should be cut for the school show. 32. This costume is so comfortable. 33. I love my shoes. 34. I would love to rehearse my scene over and over. 35. My director is the coolest person alive. 36. I think I did that badly. 37. No problem, I can do that for myself. 38. Yes I can find my own costume. 39. I think the lights should be brighter. 40. That set is not in the way. 41. We'll get in early tomorrow and do it. 42. No, no, I'm sure that's our job. 43. Anything I can do to help? 44. Can we do that scene change again please? 45. It's a marvelous show. 46. I love my part. 47. I have all my lines memorized ahead of schedule. 48. The people who have the leads deserve it totally, and I could not do it better than them. 49. We need more techies. 50. MACBETH! ok ok, thats enough for now, but trust me, i found alot more. (Comment on this)
9:29 pm	Exciting Yeah, so haven't told my dad yet. it wasn't the right day for it. What did i do today? hmmm, well i did 4 puzzles and i think i may do another before i go to bed. They are all glueing upstairs. My mom came home and she took me out to Friday's to eat. I go ribs as usual. Then we stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few things, came home, worked on puzzles, watched harry potter with my mom and she is now asleep. Thats my day, exciting i know. Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
10:59 pm	ok, so whats going on right now is i want to tell my dad that i am bi. I do for a couple of reasons. I finally have friends who are gay and want to go places and do stuff. Granted, i am sure alot of it is jsut talk adn we won;t really go anywhere, but still. If we do, i don't want to have to lie to my parents about where i am going and i would liek them to know. I like talking to my parents, well my mom anyway. And on the very off chance i ever do get into a relationship and i it is with a girl, i don't want to be forced to come out then. Not fair to the girl. But my dad is not the type to except it. At least that is what i gather from how he reacts to things. Plus, when i told my mom, she said not to tell him cause he would flip. But i should tell him. He should know, and i should be able to tell him and not hide things from him. But i am so scared to. ok, this is not making me happy, so i am gonna go focus on somethign else. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
5:36 pm	not much talk about not being able to sleep. When i am up until about 7:55 am, way after the mike's wore off, i think i have a problem. Hopefully going back to school and moving so i get tired will help with that problem. never grabbed that third mike's last night, good thing too cause i was getting really upset, not a good mix. but i talked to joanna last night about fools, i am really looking forward to it, even though it is gonna be alot of work, it should be a blaste and give me something to do with alot of my time so my mind does not have the choice to wonder like it does. Anyway, don't really got much to write at the moment. so gonna go, bye. (Comment on this)
12:54 am	Mike's Hard Lime Yeah, i am drinking mike's hard lime, well i jsut finished my 2nd bottle, which is more than enough to get me buzzed, and a bit sick. So i am gonna stop before i get too sick. u know what i realised, i suck at doing puzzles when i ma buzzed. ha. the depression side is showing a bit though, not good, i shoudl go do somehting to cheer me self up. hmmmm, watch a movie? don;t have many here, left most at school, but i can find something. chat rooms, those are entertaining. u know i met one of the two boyfriends i had in a chat room. ha. ok, stopping now. got to go, maybe i will have another to get rid of the unhappy side of me. bye (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 10th, 2005
9:41 pm	Lifeteen Ok, yeah, did wat i said i woudl do in my last entry, but i think my bloody nose scared more people away than my clothes. lol. But still. anyway, i got there and the first thign i see is nicole and amanda runnign oevr to give me a hug and say hi. then jill comes out of no where and jumps on me. dude, you have no idea how good it felt to have them jsut run over and hug me. I mean, it was jsut such a great welcome, it put em in asuch a great mood. Amanda nicole and i sat together and wewere all singing loud and stuff, it was cool. i don't think i ahve ever had such a good pizza and prayer. i jsut felt so good during it. Though yeah, my outfit got a few looks and so did my bloody nose cause i got one during/after the prayer part, but still. I was always wiht a friend for once, and i never felt like i shouldn't be there. I didn't see tavi, bianca, michelle, will, danielle and a couple others, but they had stuff to do/go back to school, so thats life. I was upset that i did nto go on the retreat. I guess i was missed and such, but they had a great time, stayed in an awesome hotel and did stuff that sounded cool. I missed a good bonding time, but hey, it couldn't be helped. OK, going back to my real world/road rules challange and typing up emails. leave me one Current Mood: ecstatic (Comment on this)
5:28 pm	going to pizza and prayer i am off to pizza and prayer tonight, but i am going to for a few reasons. 1, i miss some of my friends who go there like tavi, bianca, michelle, etc. But some of my friends who used to go or who don;t go as often told me somethign last time i saw them and i was jsut reminded of it. I guess people are being, well, lets jsut say they aren't handling lifeteen so well. some people don't listen, they don't included everyone in everything. And one thing that stuck out to me, some people are making fun of others. One fo my friends was made fun of, or teased by someone cuase he's gay. The great thing is, he is not gay. So, i am gonna go tonight in my most lesbian clothes i have, with anythign rainbow i can find (all i ahve is a braclet, but still), tuck my hair under my hat and see how they treat me. Anyone says anything, they will regret it cause i will go right to father matt and see what he says, as far as i know, he has a level head about these things. So yeah. I also need to go to get my money back from the retreat i did not get to go on. Normally, i woudl say forget it, but $65, i am so getting back. lol. Anyway, sry, had to vent for a bit about that. I'll let u know how it goes. Current Mood: mischievous (Comment on this)
12:50 am	sitting here i am usually up later than this, but i still feel like i am up late, probably cause i am bored and have been bored all day, if you coudl not tell by the quote entry. anywho, what do i want to talk about? hmmm. i went to adoptuskids.com cause i saw it advertised like a hunrdred times on tv and i was curious. I always knew i wanted to adopt kids when i got old enough and was able to cause my mom was adopted and i wanted to give another kid or kids a better home than my mom got. but looking at that, i know for a fact that i want to. I mean, i looked up siblings, and it is crazy how many siblings there are who want to stay together. It is nuts dude. I mean, dude, i want to do somethign now to help those kids, anything to help them. I have some friends who have no parents, and they were lucky enough to be able to stay together with another family member. Dude they weere so lucky. That makes me think about future stuff, like would i ever have kids of my own. I know, i am 18 years old, not even in a relationship of any kind, and i am thinking about this. But hey, these thoughts come. And i don't know if i ever could have a kid of my own. I mean, if i ever did get prenagant unintentionally, i would never get an abortion. But intentionally getting pregnant, i don't know if i could, I guess it depends on who i am with and what they think, but honestly, i would rather adopt. There are so many kids out there right now its like, lets take care of them first. i guess if i ever fall for a girl and marry her, i don't have to worry about it for the msot part. what else have i done today, well, lookig at the time ti si technically yesterday, but u know what i mean. I read thru Fools again. Made a props, set, character and effects list. Not that bad, and i jsut went by the script, not how i want/have to change some things, so it looks good. I hope they still let me put it on. And i hope i can get enough people to do it. Joanna, Ami, Gwenn, and Jess want to act in it, and me of course(i am sure i forgot someone, i apologize). And i got emmy helping me direct and kaitlyn for my stage manager and jackie backstage. Plus, i got so many of my friends in tech theater that offered to help if i needed them. So i guess i baisclly need more actors, possibly more crew, money, and permission for it. Nice. i am so excited for it, and NERVOUS, you have no idea. It is crazy. Hmmm, what else can i talk about? Oh, i talked to Andrew the other day, cool andrew. I think you can all guess the andrew i mean, big dick little dick i will never talk to again. lol. Anyway, it was so cool to here from him. I feel bad he is having a lousy time at home though. I would visit, but i have no money to, i am nto a fan of traveling, and the first time i visit someone in new york, it will be ***** for sure, i owe her. But still, we talked for a while, but had to cut it short cause my nose started bleeding yet again. It is hard to hold the phone and ur hand cupped full of blood at the same time. it si possible, but hard and annoying. talked to a couple friends today. Katie and michelle as usual. Said hi to kaitlyn. Chatted with courtney for a bit. Oh, i also talked with kathleen and renee. I am chillin with those two on friday. Picking them up after school and we get to hang. Haven't hung with them in a while. I miss it cause they are wicked cool friends. Also chatted with dee. Her and sarah asked me to hang out last night, but was still too sick to. But hopefully, i can hang out with them at some point either this week or next as well. I will at least see them when i visit FBA. Got to visit, miss my buds and the teachers...well some teachers. Plus, i want to see if Ms. Fortier has select's old cd adn if they got their new one yet. OK, taking a vote. I want to cute my hair. What should i do? Need surgestions or i will go with the boring shoulder length, jsut long enough to tie back, lol. i am doign nothing tomorrow. Well techinically today again, well and tomorrow for that matter. Got anything u want to do, call me. don't knwo my number, ask. lol ok, before i go, i still got the down side to my journal entry as always. Sry, i thought typing all that might get my mind off it. It didn't work. That guilt thing again. Dude, why can't i just enjoy that stuff like everyone else. Why do i feel so guilty over something i should ahve no guilt over, something i should like, i mean other people endulge in it, why can't i? Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
6:35 pm	hmmmm yeah, jsut spent a while typing up quotes. It amused me for a bit, but i am doen now. I have done nothing all day, i have done nothign all day for many days now and i hate it. Doing nothing sucks. Anyone got any surgestions, cuase i am getting better, i am even venturing outside tomorrow. if i havea car that is. U guys at FBA got to tell me when you want me to visit. Hey, fba, fpc, dude, think i pick schools that are enough alike? Anyway. i am visiting u all at some point, so keep and eye out for me. Though i am sure i would be hard to spot, u all beign in maroon me and my normal clothes. ok, typing is bugging me again. i will continue later i am sure (Comment on this)